A little bit sad

Over the weekend, I took a better look at the paperwork my parent's had sent me awhile back about my adoption.  I wondered what White Lilly Orphanage looked like and was surprised to see the above photo that I googled. I was expecting to see a shack for some reason.  I think I read that in 2004 it was converted into a day care.

 According to the paperwork, I was sent there on March 12th, 1976.  Before that, I was at Taegu City Children's Counseling Center but when I googled it nothing came up besides some type of Army info.  So now I wonder if my father was in the army and left my mother and us behind because, as i have always thought, they had to have been together to have 2 kids or at least my mother had us but we have different fathers? [my sister and i] To be placed in an orphanage at the age of four seems kinda odd. Wouldn't I have known my parents names? Where I lived? On my paperwork it says birthplace is unknown.

I've also been reading some blogs and other information about Korean's being adopted.  I found that between 1970's through the 1980's, South Korea had more adoptions than any other country and that 150,944 babies/children were put up for adoption from 1953 [Korean War?]- 2006.

Also from 1971- 1980:  17,260 were abandoned, 13,360 came from split families and 47,153 were from a single mom.  Now, after being sent to the White Lilly Orphanage in March, i was sent to Holt Adoption Agency in Seoul, South Korea in April of that year.  I give all this information because of Mr. Holt who founded the Holt Adoption agency.  I've read that he found a way to make lots money by sending Korean babies to whoever was willing to pay the small price. All they had to prove was that they were Christian, had a job and promised to take care of the babies.  This was God's work according to him.  I also found that Holt & Co. would change paperwork information, like names or birthdays to make kids more "adoptable".  So there were/are many who wind up at a dead end when trying to find their birth parents.

I realize that some babies and kids needed to be adopted because they had no other family members but there are thousands and thousands whose parents were talked into giving up their children.  If the mother was unwed, spouse died or left them, etc... Mr. Holt & Co. convinced these mother's that no one would take care of them, not even their own extended families because of the shame they have caused, etc...

So now there are thousands and thousands of children, including myself, who wonder....

Wonder who I am. Wonder where I was born. Wonder what my mother looks like.  Wonder what my father looks like. Wonder if they love/loved me. Wonder if there's an Aunt or a cousin or a grandma looking for me. Wonder if they even know about me. Wonder what my life would of been like. Wonder if my mother was one of those that was coerced into giving away her children. Wonder when my real birthday is. Wonder if my parents, if they had been together for those 4 years, if they were happy and in love. Wonder what our house looked like. Wonder if it was my mother who taught me the Korean songs and dances that i use to know and do. there's just so much to wonder.